Home
'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home"
-Phillip Phillips
Home is something I have never taken for granted. In nearly 25 years of marriage, we've lived in 6 different houses, but 5 different homes. How is it that we lived in 6 different houses but 5 different homes you ask? Let me explain.
Every apartment, townhouse, or single-family home we have lived has been a place we've been called to for one reason or another. From the humble little apartment that we took over for my mom when we got married, to the first house we purchased in Salem, to our townhouse in Austintown. Each move was well thought out and made for a purpose. And each of those cozy little dwellings we made our home. We hung pictures. We had guests stay over. We had gatherings, including our son's first birthday in our second-floor apartment. Many precious memories were made and I cherish each and every one. But one has always stuck out to us. One has had the most precious memories thus far. And you might think that it's the house we have lived in for the last 8 years, seeing as this is the longest we've lived in any other dwelling. But you would be wrong. In November of 2008, we moved our family into the quaintest little home in Columbiana. The house is nothing spectacular. Just a small, 1,100 square foot 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. It was small. But it was perfect. The night we met with owners to look at it, I cried as we walked to our car. See I knew. I knew this was going to be our HOME. It wasn't just going to be another dwelling to make our home. This little house was going to be our HOME. And it was. I look back on the years we spent in that home and I am filled with emotion. I long for those days again. We loved that home! Our extended family loved that home. My kids loved that home. Their friends loved that home. To this day, my kid's friends still talk about that home with fond memories and express how they too miss that home. There truly was something special about that home. And for me, that was the last home we've lived in.
This house we live in now? It's never been our home. From the moment we stayed our first night I knew it was going to be different. Not because it wasn't the home we'd lived in for nearly 6 years. But something in my gut told me it was going to be different. That it was going to take a lot to adjust to, from what we had been familiar with before. It's hard to explain to someone who has never been in a situation similar to ours. We literally live where we work and work where we live (well Mike does, but I no longer...part of which is this very reason). The office to his business is even attached to our house. It has never felt like we have our own personal space and boundaries. Hence, making the house feel like home has not been easy. Sure, we've had the same kind of gatherings as before. We've had guests come and stay just as before. We've hosted holidays and birthdays. But it's all different. I can't quite explain it. It just doesn't feel like before. It doesn't feel like home.
Every day I face something that reminds me that this doesn't feel like home. And I take pause and question why it that we are here. 26 years Mike has worked hard to earn the title he has received. But the trials and tribulations that have come with living here have been no cakewalk. It has been one heartache after another, constantly spilling over into our personal lives. But there has to be a reason we've been called to this place. We knew we were doing the right thing when we moved here. But to be honest, some days I question harder than others what that purpose is. I miss the feeling of being home. Some day my hope is that this house will indeed feel like home. Some day I hope to have others enter this home and feel as they did when they left our little home in Columbiana.
Have you ever lived somewhere that you knew just wasn't home? How did you navigate that time in your life? Have you ever been challenged in making your place a home? Some day I hope to better understand. Until then, I choose to focus on those that I share this dwelling with now, for I know that truly wherever they are I am already home!
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